Seems there are classes of balls I cant return:

- chop

- push

- topspin with little of spin

- topspin with lot of spin

- high balls

- slow balls

- fast balls

- ball from block  higher than 10 cm

classes of players I have lot of troubles with:

- beginners

- intermediate

- advanced

- people with chinese rubbers who never loop or chop

- taxi drivers

classes of serves I cant return:

- topspin

- sidespin

-backspin

-long

- half long

- combination of two or more of previous

classes of my shots everyone can smash:

- topspin

- chop

- push

I wonder sometimes, how I ever win a single point? Seems that only flip works. Also I cant serve, like I have short buffer of memory, so I cant serve more than two different serves on one day, usually simplest possible, if I try something else, it goes too long or into net. Brain stops to work. The more I practice, the less serves I can return.  From people I always play, and who never practice anything. Strange. Amount of balls hit by finger or edge of bat  is bigger and bigger. Also, I almost cant sweat of tt, neither on practice session nor the tournament( I generally sweat a lot, out of tt). People around me change few shirts, and few towels, we practice same shots, but I never bring towel, neither more than one reserve shirt, because one I play in is always dry (I play attacking style),  even worse, I almost always get cold, and got diarrhea after practice session. Seems that I reach working temperature only when I got angry. But then I miss two many balls, especially slow ones. Despite I always had very good perception and hand-eye coordination, somehow, when opponent is on other side of table, brain and muscles stops working. I still think I don't have fear of defeat, because I'm satisfied when I play good and lose match. I'd rather say it's fear of the ball, if something as this is possible.

I knew it will happen. Again same situation, high balls, and all smashes into net or too long... I lost my nerves ant hit bat into ground, this blade is of obviously better quality, so it is only deformed on top of head, previous one was totaly destroyed.

Now I dont have blade, but also I think I dont have wish for playing, why playing if it brings more anger than joy...? Some break definitely will come. Maybe I'll switch to fishing or chess...

I've always been proud of my fh flat kill/smash, even from bh side, after opening loop. But in last two months it became my weakest point, dont know how and why, there was some experiment with slightly harder rubber, but I switched back to usual rubber, but the problems continued. I'm jumping around and looping till high ball come, then I hit it into net/long/even wide, and all this makes me very angry, because looks that anyone who just sends high balls can beat me. And it actually happens :(

Culmination was last night, small tournament, with few solid players, and few weaker. Even against weaker ones, my fh kill worked badly, I almost lost to one old man who plays like he plays for the first time. Against few better players, I played actualy very good, good footwork, good strategy, my loops were mostly in, they return several until finally they just make bad return and the ball come slow and high with no/little spin - and then I hit into net/wall/too long/wide. Like body moves but bat stays, like it is 10 kilos weight. You remember desperate Hao Shuai when he was making mistakes on lobs during epic match against Maze. It was even worse in my case, it wasnt lobs, just simple 50-70 cm high balls  on the table. In the 5th set on trailing 5:7 I against failed to smash and amount of anger was so big that I hit bat into near wall with max power (this time bat looks so light :) ) .  You remember Roger Federer in last two years, in periods when he was playing bad and missing any simple high ball on the net, when once he broked racket against Djokovic with so much power that it was totaly lost it's shape?  I think it was same situation for me, all evening missing easy balls, except I hit bat even harder.

Stupid situation, but I just couldn't control myself, it was in part of second, I cant remember it now att all what exactely was in my head. Although people says I'm very calm, and even my playing style is not agressive (although I have different style for everyone),  I'm worried now, if I did it once, I probably can do it again. And blades are not so cheap (luckily rubbers survived)  :)